Review: Stock Bar Free Pre - click - Pre - click - Pre - click - Preview

Sigh - High, high hopes for the Stock Bar Free Preview were dashed on Friday night as the server was so overwhelmed the site was forced to deliver intermittent 2 to 3 second video clips for most of the evening.

Let's just say that when you've got a living room full of drunk gay boys planning to ooogle your television, you begin to curse the man who invented the Internet, and the techies running the website for their inability to predict a massive influx in viewership. While the website improved as the evening went on, my guests missed seeing "Nick the Brick", and a mud wrestling/make out session/shower sequence between hunky David and twinky Franky (pictured above). Someone in gay heaven was mocking us last night.

All this strikes me as horrible planning on someone's part. Considering the club was handing out cards advertising the free night during Divers/Cite the weekend before, they should have been much more prepared.

I took atonement by watching the recap of the show's highlights online this morning.

Review: Divers/Cite - Train to Snoozeville

Well, that sucked. Last weekend was Divers/Cite in Montreal, and other than the fact that the Ottawa boys out numbered the Montreal "citoyen" 4:1 nobody could tell anything special was even happening in the city. No shout outs from DJs, no special costumes being worn by twinks, no strippers hanging out in the streets in their underwear... In short, as a good friend of mine would say, "That party would have been a waste of an E."

In fact, it was very reminiscent of Canada Day here in the Capital - droves of people walking back and forth across the same stretch of cordoned off streets, no particular activities or events driving them. There were however parties at Stereo that cost $70 at the door to attend.

Divers/Cite had two main stages which put on various shows and dances. That's great - but none of them started on time, in fact the Tea Dance on Sunday started 2 hours late, and was scarcely populated at best.

There's a major, major problem with Divers/Cite. So much so the locals we chatted with had taken to referring to the festival as the "fake pride." Divers/Cite cut the parade two years ago (which has been resurrected, thank god, by a rival Pride Society), canned any information booths, dismissed any community lobbyists, and in general kept the festival far, far away from the gay village businesses: obviously an attempt to punish business owners for not supporting the project. Where were the events for guys that didn't want to club? Where were the family oriented parties? Where were the lesbians?

All of this should sound eerily familiar to Ottawa fags. This is EXACTLY what happened to the Ottawa Pride Society when their leadership decided they knew what was best for the community, rejected any constructive criticism, and then demonized the traditional corporate sponsors of the event. It has been 3 years now and our parade is still lacking - the committee itself estimates it will take up to 10 years to rebuild itself to its former glory.

In its effort to broaden its base and become a "celebration of diversity" rather than a GLBT parade Divers/Cite has abandoned its core. It's hard to stand for something when you're too busy standing for everything - you quickly lose all credibility. As former Prime Minister Paul Martin would attest: when everything is a priority, nothing is.

Male Strippers 101: Montreal vs. Ottawa

Strippers, like most other professions, vary from city to city. Attire, attitude, qualifications, day job, drug of choice... while generally speaking are stereotypical, the stereotype changes depending on locale. Below is our handy guide to spotting the differences between the man-rippers between Montreal and Ottawa.


MONTREAL
Attire of Choice: Ripped Jeans, Designer Trucker Hat, Ginch Gonch Underware, White Belt, Addidas Sneakers
Tattoos: Yes
Piercings: Yes (often nipples, ears, and occasionaly eyebrow)
Day Job: Construction Worker, Personal Trainer, or Fitness Model
Sexuality: Straight, Gay-for-Pay
Body Type: Either muscular, or lean with a six-pack
Favourite Saying: "Dude, that guy's paying me double what you are"


OTTAWA
Attire of Choice: Rented Military Uniforms, Chippendale Cufflinks, Hanes His Way Underware, Old Navy Trucker Hat
Tattoos: Yes
Piercings: Rarely
Day Job: Health Canada Employee, McDonalds Server, or Drug Dealer
Sexuality: Closeted Gay (Performed too many acts to be considered Gay-for-Pay)
Body Type: Juiced-Muscular or Slightly Overweight
Favourite Saying: "Make it $25 and I'll go down on it"